I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
