If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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