i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
