So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Randomize
