Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
