Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
