I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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