I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
