aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There r osticjed everywhere
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
