not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
