Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
