My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I supernannyed him into submission
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
