look no pants
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
