Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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