respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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