My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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