There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
