My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
