Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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