i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
