Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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