SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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