I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
