youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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