So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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