I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
