i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
