I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
