I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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