me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
