he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
