capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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