Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
