People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The best revenge is premature balding
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
