there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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