I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
