Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
