nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
