Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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