i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
