My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
