Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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