my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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