I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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