Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
