so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
