just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
