Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
