Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
