your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
