I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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