so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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